Unleashed

My First Vibrator

I had been married for a little over three years and had just separated from my husband all three years of our marriage the whole time I was married my husband and I lived apart literally on separate continents. During the three years we only saw each other twice and it goes without saying that being celibate AND married was a motherf**ka. So by the time I had come to my senses and realized my marriage was not working and to call it quits, the reality of exactly how sexually deprived and frustrated I was came crashing down on me. Believe it or not, although I consented to a transcontinental marriage where I saw my husband every year and a half, I really did love him and so the awareness of just how horny I was along with no immediate prospects came right in the middle of dealing with my grief over getting a divorce. I wasn't in the right space to go and get a fuck partner and another relationship just wasn't happening. Everything was too raw and I was still too vulnerable but it didn't stop the hormones from raging so I realized that it was high time I showed my body some love, especially after all of the denial she had gone through and take care of her needs and buy my first vibrator. Now for those of you who are experienced sex toy aficionados with a nice collection of pleasure objects this may seem no big deal but for me it was huge. I had first tried going to my local "Lotions and Lace" store, but must confess to being a whole lot embarrassed to be in the store in the first place and then overwhelmed at the sheer variety vibrators, dildos and accessories. Some of the toys were downright scary looking and looked to provide more pain and not the pleasurable kind pain either, than pleasure, not to mention expensive. So I left "Lotions and Lace" empty handed and of course still horny. I then decided to do some research and while at work, in between doing research for one of my projects, I surfed the web for vibrators from women friendly sex toy sites. Fortunately I had my own private office and didn’t have to worry about someone glancing at my computer screen while I did my vibrator research. Imagine trying to explain that to your boss. Fortunately, I came across several sites that were very helpful and one in particular, My Pleasure, at www.mypleasure.com was great. The My Pleasure stated that the all woman staff tested all of their products and each review of the product was written from personal experience. I finally settled on a waterproof, grey silicon, battery powered vibrator that had a nifty little indentation that fit right over your clit and could also be inserted if you choose and had a nice knob to stimulate your G-spot. So I placed my order, thank God for the anonymity of the internet because the whole idea of owning a vibrator was kinda scary yet must I admit it was fun being a little bit naughty for a change and with a mixture of excitement and apprehension counted down the days until it came. Finally it arrived at my P.O. Box, in the discreet box just like they promised, because I was riding with my sister at the time I didn't open it until I got home. Me pulling out my new vibe and showing my sister my new toy just wasn't going to happen. When I opened it up I was relieved that it wasn't all that scary looking. I then hunted down some batteries and it was on. Let’s just say that my first vibrator induced orgasm(s) were amazing and took the possibilities of self pleasure to a whole nother level. Needless to say I was more than pleased and very, very satisfied with my purchase. The vibrator literally hit the spot and was exactly what I needed at the time. While my "vibe" as I affectionately call her doesn't replace a nice, warm, male body, it is the perfect alternative and sometimes the preferred option, not to mention oh so dependable, reliable, never gets tired and is ALWAYS hard while providing with me with as many orgasms as I can stand. A truly wonderful thing I tell you. I now agree that a vibrator is essential for every woman and that all women should have access to pleasure on demand. We all have those times when a man is just too much of a hassle, is not available or simply isn't preferred and a trusty vibe just what you need to hit the spot every time. So I end my story a well pleased woman and a quite satisfied one too.

Born and bred a devout Muslim for most of my life. The whole focus in my life was avoiding men and relationships and sex at all costs. My earliest memories were that Muslims don't have boyfriends. So growing up, the word boy friend was akin to a curse word and I must confess to being afraid of thinking the word boyfriend in my head let alone using the word in reference to my life. I was taught that holding a man's hand was not allowed, kissing was strictly taboo and dating was a straight path to hell. The expectation was that you avoid any and all relationships and then one day by some crazy miracle you miraculously meet the love of your life. Actually love or even like didn’t have anything to do with it. The only criteria for suitable mate material was if the guy were Muslim or not and if they belonged to my particular cult-like community. And if you found him attractive you were lucky, if he was cute then you must have racked up a lot of good deeds and good favor with Allah. So if and when this miracle occurred you were to get to know this person but not too well. A short engagement was preferred because anything longer than a couple of months and you were bound to have sex and of course that was forbidden. Of course there was no casual dating so when you met this person it had to be someone that you were interested in marrying. How you were supposed to know automatically that you were interested in marrying them I was never told. But there was no such thing as just liking a guy and getting to know them because sex was to be avoided at all cost. And then when you get to know them with them it was only limited phone conversation...no hot and steamy late night conversations. While living at home I was not allowed to talk to any guy on the phone. If you wanted to see your potential husband in person it could never be alone and must be in the presence of a chaperone otherwise it was assumed that sex was bound to happen.

Needless to say I spent most of my twenties avoiding relationships, running from any and every possible encounter or situation were sex was even remotely likely too happen. As a result I had a very healthy attitude about sex was comfortable with my sexuality and little or not hang-ups about expressing myself...NOTT!!!!. Yeah right…. Actually I spent all of my time and energy on suppressing my desire to be in a relationship and repressing my sexuality. No one ever satisfactorily explained to me how you were supposed to go from running from and avoiding relationships and sex at all cost to suddenly miraculously flipping the script and becoming some vivacious, sensual, sexually confident and yes experienced sex goddess on your wedding night. It was enough pressure to give drive you anyone crazy and I wonder why I was so stressed. The clincher would be when I would here young Muslim men insisting that they wanted to marry an "experienced" virgin. You know the kind somehow through osmosis absorb how to please a man and of course give good head for those who were orally inclined.

So after 26 years of insanity, denial, repression and no remote potential husbands in sight I decided that it was just too much, that I had had enough and it was time to take charge and ownership of my own sexuality. The weirdest thing though was that while a devout Muslim, who firmly believed in abstinence before marriage I was quite at ease in my conscious when I decided that being a virgin and all of the effort I had been exerting on avoiding sex and relationships and keeping men at a distance was just a tad bit crazy, insane and was causing me more harm than good. By this time I was in my first relationship at 26...wow...to my friends who weren’t Muslim he was actually the B-word...my boyfriend...and to my Muslim peoples well I just kinda acted like he didn’t exist, kept him under wraps and lived in constant fear of someone ostracizing me because for the first time I was in a relationship. You couldn’t imagine the hell I put myself through...but that is another story....and of course every time my boyfriend would say that I acted like I was ashamed of him, I would naturally deny, deny, deny. But sad but true he was right. In my world everything is all about pleasing my parents and the ubiquitous, sinister monolith...THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY. So while I really felt right with God I was scared of everyone else.

It was crazy though because along with the suppression and fear I had associated with sex and the pressure of being a virgin until marriage I had the secret shame of being a 26 year old virgin. I mean not only was I a virgin but I had never kissed a guy, never held a guy's hand and the closest I had ever gotten was a hug and those were very limited. Hugs being a forbidden thing among Muslim men and women and only with my friends who weren’t Muslim. So in my shame I even concocted a whole imaginary sexual history with my boyfriend. I mean I had it down to the number of partners I had had, my favorite positions and experiences...thank God for a lively imagination and for the sex section at Barnes and Nobles. My reasoning for not telling my boyfriend the truth was that it was really none of his business and that I didn't want him to treat me differently. The truth was that I was scared, ashamed and felt extremely inadequate and woefully inexperienced. So now came the time for my deflowering or devirginizing...or whatever ridiculous term men have come up with....My experience actually was a gradual process and I was blessed to have chosen the most patient, attentive and understanding partner possible all the while maintaining my facade of a normal sexually experienced woman who had chosen to remain celibate for the past year or so.

When I look back on it now it seems utterly ridiculous the changes I put myself through but finally I was officially deflowered. And talking about someone who was excited and relieved and wanted to celebrate and tell the world and most importantly was profoundly grateful. Not to mention my wonder at the level of peace I felt at choosing to disobey Allah and how comforatable I felt. I guess I was a sinful, unrepentant hypocrite. Yet for the first time in my life I took control of my own sexuality, followed the dictates of my intuitive knowing and found peace and the beginning of liberation. And that is my confession

B*tch in Heat

I’ve discovered a new part of myself existed what to name her I haven’t decided. I was considering a few options maybe…“bitch in heat” or “wild beast” or how about “hungry tigress”! I can’t decide what to call her but I seemed to have turned into an animal, and its not good. I don’t know exactly what is responsible for these behavioral modifications, but they have largely to do with the fact that I haven’t seen my man in three months. I am really starting to sympathize with people who cheat when they are in long distance relationships. I even went as far as telling my man if he cheated I wouldn’t feel that bad for I understand his pain. It can not possibly be natural or healthy to go this long. Maybe I’m exaggerating or just used to indulging myself but being horny for 90 days is like centuries. I think I’m starting to go mad. I can now smell male from miles away. Anything male and over 17 is fair game for me. The UPS man never looked so good in my life, the other day I invited him in for breakfast without even realizing what I was saying. I had to catch myself and act like I was joking. The thought of ordering lots of packages so I can get guilt free visits from men was starting to seem like a good idea! Right now my behavior is mirrored to that of a preteen boy, in other words, I’m turned on by everything. It is strange I’ve had bouts of this but never this intense. The only solution for me staying faithful is to lock myself in a closet. Setting my foot outside the door is dangerous territory. At the grocery store, I’m constantly reminding myself that following the man outside selling candy for his church into the store bathroom is not a good idea. Its so insane I’m noticing things about guys who in normal circumstances I’d never take a second glance at. I’ve been finding things attractive on every man I see. I see males through rose colored glasses, the way they walk, talk, laugh, blink, fart is a serious turn on. Every body part all of a sudden is beautifully crafted. Men’s hands are so beautifully strong, different types of fingers turn me on in different ways. The long, strong hands really make me weak. The softer ones I imagine them caressing my face. I’ve really been noticing how males eyes twinkle calling me into their arms to sweep me away for a romp behind the bushes. Bill collectors call on the phone and just because they are male I chit chat with them and flirt enough to satisfy the lack of testosterone in my present life. Nothing turns me on like a nice voice….if they only knew the thoughts that were running through my head they would be rushing over my house for the time of their lives. I can not forget the hair I just want to grab a handful. I feel so sorry for my man this beast in me seems to be taking over. I’m fighting so hard not to give in, but this beast is very powerful. She takes over in conversation turning a PG-13 exchange into NC17. I sware its not me doing the talking. What is happening to me???? All of a sudden my voice will go up or down a few octaves and things come out of my mouth that I had no intention on saying. Well I was doing okay for a long while because I wasn’t really getting out of the house much. Everything changed when that beast came up with the great suggestion of partying every night for four nights straight. Oh boy what a mistake! I went out to the club and I discovered that guys can smell this beast. I should’ve stayed in the closet. I was like a kid in a candy store, MALES!!!!!! To be continued……………

Calling all UNLEASHED, IRRESISTIBLE, SENSUAL Women. We know you have personal stories, adventures and tales that you want to share with everyone where you emerged victorious and EMPOWERED from your lessons in love, lust and life then we want to bring your stories to the world.

We are the UNLEASHED Blog at www.UnleashedWoman.blogspot.com the sister blog to MOONIEZSecrets. The “Cosmo” for the Fun, Sexy and Empowered Female. All submissions are anonymous, unless you request otherwise.

Submit your entries to UNLEASHED to

Attn: Arletta at theUnleashedWoman@yahoo.com.

UNLEASHED & MOONIEZSecrets are sponsored by MOONIEZ, Inc. At MOONIEZ, Inc. we provide the avenue for women to awaken her sensuality and feminine power through our exclusive, limited edition, custom fit, fabulous clothes and accessories. MOONIEZ, Inc. is the collective vision of four dynamic and exceptionally talented sisters whose mission is “Unleashing Irresistible Sensuality”. We at MOONIEZ excitedly anticipate sharing our vision with the world. Look for MOONIEZ coming soon to your favorite fine boutiques and department stores everywhere Spring 2007.