Unleashed

Why is it that folks, especially other women, expect you to be particularly nice to people who have done you wrong? I am still cool with my ex’s family and his sister had asked me if I was going to call him on his birthday. Now the old me would have felt obligated to do it because I always had to be the “stupid nice bitch” although to do so would be seriously disrespecting myself. Thankfully that female is dead and long gone and the new me was like “no I have no intention whatsoever of calling him on his birthday.” My ex has been on my ‘silent treatment’ list for the past five months or so and life has been wonderful without his presence in it. By ‘silent treatment’ I mean I absolutely do not allow any communication from him and any business that we need to take care of is done through a third party. Perfect…So if any of you ladies out there have ever wanted to regain your power back in a controlling and abusive relationship the ‘silent treatment’ is the perfect way to go. Nothing gets to a controlling man like being denied all access to you. Yay!!! So anyways, the more I started thinking about it the madder I became. Not only did my ex have the opportunity to do nice things for me the three years we were married. You know basic type shit like calling me regularly…we were in a long distance relationship... and I had to literally beg him to call me, to sending me card for Valentine’s or my birthday. Gifts were out of the question and asking to far too much of my husband. To maybe even buying me, his wife a ring. Which he said wasn’t necessary to show that you were married. To promising to send me money for medical expenses and never coming through with no explanation, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Now looking back on everything, the only reason why my list of how many ways he was an an asshole is soo long is that I choose to stay with him as long as I did and I take full responsibility for that. But please tell me why the hell would I or am I supposed to be nice and do something that you do for people you love and care about, who love and care about you like call them on their birthday to someone who doesn’t fall in any of those categories. My sister in law then asked me if we, me and my ex, were friends. And that brings me to question number two? Why do folks, especially other women, expect you to be friends with men who have treated you like shit. I told her no, he was not my friend and that I have no desire to have anyone in my life who doesn’t treat me wonderfully. She then said that we shouldn’t be enemies. Now my ex isn’t hardly my enemy, he may be pretty much a non-entity in my life outside of the remaining business we have to resolve, but enemy no. I told her that I wish him the best and I sincerely do, but have him in my life…hell naw. For what? So that I can give him more opportunities to treat me like shit. No thank you. So I have been enjoying no longer being a “Stupid Nice Bitch.” I enjoy being my normal nice self to the vast majority of people who are cool and decent folks but I no longer feel obligated to be nice to someone who is not nice to me. I don’t have to be a bitch to them, unless of course I choose to do so. And in all my interactions I maintain my authenticity, and make damn sure I honor and respect myself. It was a long journey to get back to the place where I could look myself in the mirror and not feel shame over the way I let my ex treat me. But I have arrived yall, I have arrived!!! I got my power back. And there is no turning back. Later for the “Stupid Nice Bitch”.